March 4, 2021
Warriors Elise MacDonald shares her story in her own words
With 1 in 3 Canadian girls dropping out of sport in adolescence, compared to just 1 in 10 boys, Canadian Women & Sport launched a national awareness campaign, She's Got It All, to challenge traditional mindsets on how women and girls experience sport. Only by better understanding the needs of women and girl athletes will we be able to make changes that support them to stay in sport. In support of the campaign, Ontario University Athletics reached out to our athletes, coaches, and administrators to learn about their experiences. We appreciate their honesty and vulnerability, and we are excited to spotlight their stories, in their own words, and encourage all of us to consider how we might behave differently after listening to their stories.
Waterloo, Ont. - Since I was a little girl, I've always been involved in sports. When I was younger, I wanted to try every sport and I came close to doing so. Over the years, I've played soccer, lacrosse, hockey, field hockey, track and field, and highland dance. Almost all of these sports I participated in were on a competitive level. Hockey and track, however, have been two sports that have hooked me.
I played hockey from the ages of seven to 15, and growing up, it was my main focus. Many of the close friends I had were my teammates, as we traveled around Southwest Ontario together almost every weekend in the winter months. I started to find success in running, especially in high school after making it to West OFSAA for all my events in my Grade 9 year. I tried to balance participating in both sports. Some days I would double up on activities to pursue both of them. In Grade 10, I knew that making the decision of which one I would pursue was coming close, as sports in general began to become more serious with post-secondary drawing closer. Yet I was dreading the decision.
In April 2017, while in Grad 10, the decision became clear, but not the way I had ever thought. After a winter of hard work on the ice and promising improvements on the track heading into the high school track season, I had OFSAA dreams. That quickly ended when I was at hurdle practice in early April and hyperextended my knee, ending in a torn ACL and partially torn Meniscus. This split-second injury turned into nearly two years of hard work to just get back to where I was pre-injury.
My sister told me a story a few years ago that made me really reflect on the concept of body image. She said she recalled me at the age of five looking in the mirror in my dance costume telling her I was too fat. If a five-year-old feels that societal pressure, imagine the magnitude of females that have never felt comfortable in their own skin. Sports tell us we have to be tough mentally, and if we don't feel tough, then fake it, and if you can't fake it, then go away, cry, and come back fixed. These mentalities can become very dangerous, especially for young women. They are specifically toxic for the mental health of females recovering from injury, which in my experience, is rarely talked about.
From speaking to other female athletes that have torn their ACL, many have similar experiences as me. When returning to sports, people praise you for the return of your physical health. Yet many don't realize that the mind, like the body, needs time to recover. The return of physical health is almost guaranteed if recovery instructions are followed, yet the mind is not guaranteed to heal, resulting in many mental barriers that may take years to overcome. For example, to this day I can relate a lot of my self-doubts on the track to doubts that I felt while recovering. My body is now stronger than pre-injury, but my mind, six years later, still feels the repercussions.
As a female, I felt the pressure to do the most I could even if I was recovering because I didn't want to be seen as the girl that made up excuses. This got so bad that I would do exercises I knew I shouldn't with a newly constructed ACL. I just didn't want to have that conversation about why I wasn't working harder. I would try not to go to the bathroom at practice so I wouldn't miss a rep. Often women in sports are not given the benefit of the doubt. What I mean by this is, if we aren't doing the full workout, are sitting out, etc., it is assumed to be because we don't want to work. Mental blocks are seen as a sign of weakness. I would love to see space to talk about mental health in sports become the norm.
I've learned so much about my inner strength and how life-changing a support system that believes in you can be, even when you don't believe in yourself. For the lessons I've learned and the people that have been by my side, I will always be so grateful. If this story is similar to what you are going through, know that I believe in you. With hard work and dedication, you will get to the other side. Be patient, trust the process, and don't forget that there are always things to be grateful for even in the hardest times. I once dreamt of inspiring people by telling my story even when I wasn't sure how it would end. If I can do it, so can you! Mental battles are vessels for mental strength.
Elise MacDonald | Waterloo Warriors | Student-Athlete
Waterloo, Ont. - Since I was a little girl, I've always been involved in sports. When I was younger, I wanted to try every sport and I came close to doing so. Over the years, I've played soccer, lacrosse, hockey, field hockey, track and field, and highland dance. Almost all of these sports I participated in were on a competitive level. Hockey and track, however, have been two sports that have hooked me.
I played hockey from the ages of seven to 15, and growing up, it was my main focus. Many of the close friends I had were my teammates, as we traveled around Southwest Ontario together almost every weekend in the winter months. I started to find success in running, especially in high school after making it to West OFSAA for all my events in my Grade 9 year. I tried to balance participating in both sports. Some days I would double up on activities to pursue both of them. In Grade 10, I knew that making the decision of which one I would pursue was coming close, as sports in general began to become more serious with post-secondary drawing closer. Yet I was dreading the decision.
In April 2017, while in Grad 10, the decision became clear, but not the way I had ever thought. After a winter of hard work on the ice and promising improvements on the track heading into the high school track season, I had OFSAA dreams. That quickly ended when I was at hurdle practice in early April and hyperextended my knee, ending in a torn ACL and partially torn Meniscus. This split-second injury turned into nearly two years of hard work to just get back to where I was pre-injury.
"This split-second injury turned into nearly two years of hard work to just get back to where I was."
As hard as it was physically it was ten times harder mentally. I soon realized this was not an uncommon injury for female athletes my age. Statistics suggest that 20,000 to 80,000 female high school athletes sustain ACL injuries each year. Yet I had trouble finding resources of other female athletes dealing with the same experience. I felt alone often. The next year would be harder than I could have imagined. I lost much of my social network because I wasn't able to practice and see my friends. As I have said previously, sports have always been a part of my life and therefore my mental escape was gone. I was forced to look at who I was outside of being an athlete, and man was that a shock! I portrayed myself in every aspect of my life "the athlete" and until this point in my life, I wasn't confronted with the idea of who am I outside of sport.
"As a female in sports, I believe we have unique challenges we face regularly."
Mental health is not talked about enough in sports. Athletes, in general, face a higher rate of mental illness than the average population. Without a healthy mind, the body is not able to sustain competing at elite levels physically. As a female in sports, I believe we have unique challenges we face regularly. There are constant societal pressures on body image. Society says, 'you're too strong, you look like a man', 'women are weak, they can't be elite', or 'your body type doesn't fit the stereotypical body of your sport'. These types of pressures affect every woman in sport.My sister told me a story a few years ago that made me really reflect on the concept of body image. She said she recalled me at the age of five looking in the mirror in my dance costume telling her I was too fat. If a five-year-old feels that societal pressure, imagine the magnitude of females that have never felt comfortable in their own skin. Sports tell us we have to be tough mentally, and if we don't feel tough, then fake it, and if you can't fake it, then go away, cry, and come back fixed. These mentalities can become very dangerous, especially for young women. They are specifically toxic for the mental health of females recovering from injury, which in my experience, is rarely talked about.
From speaking to other female athletes that have torn their ACL, many have similar experiences as me. When returning to sports, people praise you for the return of your physical health. Yet many don't realize that the mind, like the body, needs time to recover. The return of physical health is almost guaranteed if recovery instructions are followed, yet the mind is not guaranteed to heal, resulting in many mental barriers that may take years to overcome. For example, to this day I can relate a lot of my self-doubts on the track to doubts that I felt while recovering. My body is now stronger than pre-injury, but my mind, six years later, still feels the repercussions.
"This mentality, feelings of loneliness, and the lack of conversations about mental health almost drove me away from the sport completely."
Upon returning to the track, I had a lot of anxiety about how much work I would need to put in to 'catch up'. I always felt like an underdog and due to my injury, I felt I would need to put in way more work than my teammates to just be competitive with them. This mentality, feelings of loneliness, and the lack of conversations about mental health almost drove me away from the sport completely. This type of experience is not unusual. Many athletes returning to their sport feel as though mental barriers are their own battles to face in private and when they return to physical success, that is when the majority of external support will return.As a female, I felt the pressure to do the most I could even if I was recovering because I didn't want to be seen as the girl that made up excuses. This got so bad that I would do exercises I knew I shouldn't with a newly constructed ACL. I just didn't want to have that conversation about why I wasn't working harder. I would try not to go to the bathroom at practice so I wouldn't miss a rep. Often women in sports are not given the benefit of the doubt. What I mean by this is, if we aren't doing the full workout, are sitting out, etc., it is assumed to be because we don't want to work. Mental blocks are seen as a sign of weakness. I would love to see space to talk about mental health in sports become the norm.
"As a female, I felt the pressure to do the most I could even if I was recovering because I didn't want to be seen as the girl that made up excuses."
Although tearing my ACL was one of the hardest journeys I've been through in my life, it has also made me grow in ways that have led me to where I am today. I went from almost leaving the sport because of mental barriers to competing at the highest Canadian university competition with my team. That being said, my mental game is something I continue to work on, but through the years, I have learned how to trust my body more and recognize I am not still that injured athlete.
I've learned so much about my inner strength and how life-changing a support system that believes in you can be, even when you don't believe in yourself. For the lessons I've learned and the people that have been by my side, I will always be so grateful. If this story is similar to what you are going through, know that I believe in you. With hard work and dedication, you will get to the other side. Be patient, trust the process, and don't forget that there are always things to be grateful for even in the hardest times. I once dreamt of inspiring people by telling my story even when I wasn't sure how it would end. If I can do it, so can you! Mental battles are vessels for mental strength.
"I've learned so much about my inner strength and how life-changing a support system that believes in you can be, even when you don't believe in yourself."
